Potential
by BirdofParadise
Summary: Lorelai's journey to the realization that Luke is The One.UPDATED.
1. The Light Begins to Shine

**Potential **

**Disclaimer:** I am not affiliated with Gilmore Girls in any way, shape, or form. Although, if given the opportunity to be affiliated with them, I would not decline the offer.

**Summary: **A view of Lorelai's slow realization that Luke is The One.

**Note: **Reviews are always a wonderful thing to read… so, review away:

* * *

**_Chapter 1: The Light Begins to Shine_**

_She wasn't sure when or how it began. _

_When the glances in his direction became longer, lingering, and more meaningful. When she began uttering his name away from his presence- and as part of her daily anecdotes. _

_She wasn't certain how she managed to finally see through his rough exterior to find a heart of gold. Or, when her flirty comments and gestures around him became more than just mocking. She wasn't sure of any of it. _

_Yet, it all must have occurred. Sometime. Somehow. Somewhere. _

_She must have begun to realize his **Potential**. _

_What he could be. Who he could be – to her. _

_The Potential of falling in love with the perennially flannel-clad, backwards baseball cap donning, dryly amusing man who was a staple in her life. _

_There must have been a moment of realization, right? Or, perhaps, there was more than one?There must have been a **series** of head-slapping moments. _

_Lightbulbs going off in her head. _

_Or, at least getting brighter at every turn. _

_There must have been…_

* * *

"But, you're not going?" Luke looked at me with an intensity I had never seen from him before. For a moment- a tiny moment , I was caught completely off-guard. 

"No… I'm not going." I glanced up and saw relief wash over his chiseled face.

_But why? _Why did it matter to Luke – the guy who serves my coffee – who I dated?

The question nagged me endlessly. The rest of that day, as I dealt with my mother – Mrs. Emily "Bain of My Existence" Gilmore, and with the Inn, and even through all of Rory's trauma from her first day at Chilton- I could NOT for the life of me stop thinking about Luke.

It felt so odd. To think about Luke, in THAT way.

But, was it… really so odd?

I mean, it's not as though I had never noticed how ruggedly handsome he was, like the male lead in a Harlequin romance novel no doubt. I was after all a woman- with a PULSE! I wasn't blind- except without my contacts. And, there definitely was NO question that Luke Danes was an attractive man.

Had I ever checked him out? Of course!

Did I ever have a really dirty dream about him? Sure!

But, to think that there was SOMETHING there – between us? Impossible!

Right?

Only, it wasn't.

* * *

_The Potential began to show itself gradually, slowly, painfully almost. The constant one step forward, two steps back pitter-patter of their relationship had grown comfortable- convenient. And, it never ceased to amaze those who watched from afar._

_Would they never discover what was plain as day to everyone else?_

_She started to include this man more and more in her daily life. Her visits to his diner weren't just for coffee and danishes anymore. At times she would go just for her daily "Luke Fix"._

_She enjoyed their ping-pong banter. The way he could read her so well. How he outwardly disapproved of her habits, yet was the one who provided her– however reluctantly – with her drugs of choice. _

_He always wanted to make her happy it seemed._

_Sadly, she wasn't always so kind to him. Taking things out on him that weren't his fault. _

_And, she hated herself for it afterwards. _

_Hated to see him hurt. Because, for some reason she could not explain, she cared about him as more than just a friend. _

_Because... he was... More. Than a friend. If only she could see it._

_

* * *

_"Go to Hell!" My mind was racing, and all I could think to do was unload all my anger and frustration on the one person who didn't deserve any of it. 

"Right back at Ya!" He yelled in my direction, his voice resounding with a darkness I had never heard from him before.

As he turned away, I got a glimpse of the deep hurt in his eyes, and my entire body flinched in pain.

That summer was the longest summer of my life. My daughter was in Washington- away from home and from me for the very first time. My world had been turned upside down by Christopher – who had promised me the world in one instant, and then had promptly snatched it back in the next instant.

Yet, for some reason, probably the largest void I felt that summer was not having Luke. To talk to. To berate me for my general way of life. To listen.

I was a complete idiot, and I knew it. I had hurt Luke. I had questioned who he was. What he stood for. How much he cared about me. About Rory. I had questioned his very integrity.

And, in doing so, I had created this great chasm between us.

And, it killed me softly every time I walked by the diner, or inadvertedly bumped into him at Doose's.

I spent that whole summer missing him.

A lot.

But, even then, I didn't really know why.

I couldn't see it. Or smell it. Or touch it.

Whatever I felt for him. Whatever was between us... was completely intangible.

For now.

* * *

_**I know it's short! But, there's more to come!**_

**_Thanks for reading:)_**


	2. The Light Gets Brighter

_**Chapter 2: The Lighter Gets Brighter**_

* * *

_He's an amazing man, she thinks. She marvels at his independence. His abilities. The way he built up his diner on his own and takes care of the people around him. He always knows how to fix everything – from porches to back door locks. He was a man of his word- however, few those words may be._

_She admired him, although she probably has never said as much._

_She knew he'd make a great husband… if he really invested himself. Moreover, she knew he'd make a wonderful father. He would protect his children from the world, yet teach them how to be strong on their own._

_And, she knew that when the time came, he would love them with every fiber of his being. Because that's who he is. When someone mattered to him, when they were connected to him, he made them a priority. He made them significant. _

_She often wondered what his childhood was like. He rarely spoke of his parents, but she is sure that they were good people. _

_They must have been, she thinks, to have had a son like Luke. _

* * *

"So what about you – you ever think about having another kid?" He sat there with my broken shoe in his hands, coming to my rescue yet again. 

"Oh, I don't know how much fun it would be without biology finals and headgear. . . but sure, if I ever happen to meet the right person, another kid might be nice," I replied shyly.

He nodded at me, shoe in hand, and all I could do was nod in return, suddenly very aware that Luke and I had just had a very meaningful conversation- about kids! We also happened to be sharing avery meaningful stare… as if we were trying to figure out what - orwho-the other person was thinking about.

"Your shoe'll be ready ready in a minute," Luke said, breaking the moment.

I looked down and blushed. "Thank You," was all I could reply.

He never ceased to amaze me. Every time I thought I had him all figured out, he would surprise me by unveiling another facet of who he was. Luke was like a jigsaw puzzle. On the surface,it doesn't seem ALL that difficult to figure out, but once you try to put it together, you realize there's more to it than meets the eye.

I wondered when I would put all the pieces together.

Or, if I would ever get close enough to be able to do so.

But, for now, I would have to settle on figuring outLuke piece by piece - slowly but surely.Tonight, for instance, I had learned that Luke "_I don't deal with jam hands"_ Danes was actually open to the idea of having children… with the "Right Person".

I wondered who she was. The Right Person. Would she wear flannel, and enjoy fishing? Maybe she would know about tools and like Jimmy Buffet?

Or, maybe she wasn't like that at all. Maybe she would be completely opposite from Luke. Maybe...

I stopped my train of thought before I got to the one thought I didn't want to think of... or allow myself to think of.

The thought that was prodding me in the back of my mind.

That I knew the right person. Closely. Intimately. That I saw that person every time I looked in the mirror.

That thought would be saved for another day.

* * *

_There are relationships in life that are hard to define. The basic labels no longer seem to apply. The relationship between Luke Danes and Lorelai Gilmore was such a relationship – without specific boundaries or appropriate definitions._

_In the beginning, it had been easy enough. Coffee supplier and customer. That was their connection. End of story. But, gradually the connection grew and their relationship transformed to friendship. _

_As time went by, and their lives became more and more entwined, that label of "friendship" also no longer sufficed. _

_Only no other appropriate label existed. And, so they continued to fool themselves by hiding behind the so-called status of their relationship._

_Their actions, however, proved that something much deeper was at play._

_For instance, the way Lorelai reacts to the women in Luke's life is evidence that what they share is more than mere friendship. She knows she gets jealous where he is concerned. She transforms into an ugly, vile, green-eyed monster. The thought of him with another woman drove her insane. _

_But, even in those fits of jealousy she will not allow herself to fully comprehend why she is behaving that way. Why she feels as she does. To recognize the Potential of their relationship._

_She reckons she acts as she does because Luke is her "friend", and she doesn't believe that any woman is good enough for him. _

_She only wants the best for him._

_Afterall, that's what friends are for._

* * *

"Because I don't want you to move!" My voice echoed on the chapel's walls as my heart pounded out of my chest. 

What was going on here? What am I saying?

His tone became lower and he looked me straight in the eye.

"Why? Why don't you want me to move?"

I couldn't. I wasn't ready. I wasn't prepared for this. This moment of… truth? It wasn't the right time dammit!

But, as quickly as the "moment" came, it ended – with Reverand Skinner interrupting us.

Apparently God didn't think I was ready for the truth either.

I avoided Luke for a week afterwards, choosing to go to Weston's every day instead. I hated going there. It wasn't the same. And, I'm not just talking about the coffee.

It just pissed me off! How could he? How DARE he?

It was bad enough that he ran off and got married – MARRIED – on that stupid boat with stupid stupid Nicole in the first place. But, I thought he had come to his senses. That he had seen how dumb an idea that was. That he and Nicole were through.

Apparently, I was wrong. He moved in with her. In LITCHFIELD. The nightmare just wouldn't end.

How could he just leave like that? Without even telling me? I mean, I'm his… his… Friend.

A good friend.

It was my right to know these things.

Stupid Nicole. Ruining everything. Taking away MY Luke. MINE!

Only, he wasn't MINE. Not logically. What claim did I really have over him? None.

So, why did I feel this way?

I knew then that there were things I needed to face. To admit. At least to myself.

But, what was the point? He was married. To stupid Nicole.

And, so I remained in denial.

Sometimes, it just isn't the right time for the truth to come out.

* * *


	3. The Light is Blinding

Chapter 3: The Light Is Blinding 

_She knows that moments of pure truth are rare. Being honest about her feelings has never been her strongest suit. She chooses instead to hide behind her witty comebacks and confusing dialogue. She thinks that if she refrains from the truth, that perhaps the truth will cease to exist. _

_If she never admits that she enjoys Luke's company, or admits that his deep-set eyes make her weak in the knees, or that she loves the way he seemingly growls her name… Lorrrelai… that all these feelings and thoughts will disappear into obscurity. Vanish into thin air. _

_Because admitting that these feelings are real only makes life messier. And, she doesn't want her relationship with Luke to be like that. Messy. She wants it … unmessy. Uncomplicated. Certain. Luke is the one man in her life that she can depend on – for anything. Time. Comfort. Companionship. Christopher had always been an enigma. Max was a good man, but unfortunately she had never been one hundred percent comfortable with him. _

_But, Luke. Luke was different. _

_She knows that she has had very little success with romantic relationships. And, the risk of ruining her friendship with Luke – in search of romance – would be too high. It's a risk she's not sure she can take. He's her rock, she thinks. And, she needs her rock._

_Yet, there are times when moments of truth can not be denied. When they are beating relentlessly at your door,… and you can not help but invite them in. _

_In the end, she can only hope that the truth really will set her free…_

* * *

"There **was** a moment!" The clarity in my voice startled even myself as the words resounded in the air. _There was a moment_, I repeated in my head. _There was_. 

He stood there for half a beat, his eyes softening from his earlier rant, and he took a step towards me, a look of determination washing over his face.

"What are you doing?" As the words came from my lips, I realized how false the question was. Because _I knew_ what he was doing. I just wasn't sure if I was ready … for that moment. The moment I knew would change the rules. Change everything about my relationship with Luke.

"Will you just stand still?" he replied in return – his determination stronger than ever.

And, with those words, the light became blinding.

As his lips caressed mine, and his muscular arms enveloped my body, I couldn't believe what was happening.

I couldn't believe that it had taken so long.

My mind was spinning with a million thoughts and questions. _I'm kissing Luke! Oh my GOD! I'm kissing Luke! And, it's… amazing. Kissing Luke is amazing… Is this really happening?_

I pulled away first. _Was this really happening_? I could feel my whole body long for him the moment we lost contact, and I decided that _THIS_ was indeed happening.

And, I needed more. Of him. I needed more of Luke.

I stepped towards him this time- wanting more. And, in turn, it was he who hesitated.

"What are you doing?" he asked, echoing my earlier sentiments- his breath heavy from round one.

And, so in return, I echoed _his_ earlier words. "Will you just stand still?"

Touching his face gently, I leaned in - and was once again transported to heaven.

There are some moments in life that are so indescribably beautiful. They change the way you view the world, the way you think, and the way you feel. Your first kiss. When your crush finally notices you. The touch of your newborn child.

These moments are often few and far between. So, when they do come, you cherish them, remember them, appreciate their perfection. And, wonder whether any moment afterward will ever meet those standards of greatness.

Kissing Luke for the first time was one of those moments.

These moments are almost dream-like. Unbelievable. But, they are very real.

And, with reality comes responsibility.

The responsibility to deal with the consequences of that one beautiful – but very real – moment.

* * *

_She realizes that it will never be the same again. That a line has been crossed, and it was impossible to go back. To re-cross the line. And, she also knows that she doesn't want to. Re-cross. Step backwards after having made such a monumental stride forward. _

_The first kiss between Lorelai Gilmore and Luke Danes had opened up a realm of possibility. **Potential**. Luke had cherished Lorelai from afar for years. Eight to be exact. _

_It once seemed that the Gilmore-Danes union would never occur. Bad timing,...other relationships always got in the way. That was their excuse. But, really, the biggest reason for them not being together was greater than that. _

_They had both been afraid. _

_And, they still were. The fear hadn't subsided with the first kiss. The kiss had only changed the context of fear. They were no longer afraid of pushing boundaries, because they had already been pushed. Now, they were afraid of the future. Of the unknown._

_However, now that they were undoubtedly in the midst of it, there was no turning back. And, so they began. _

_Part two of the Lorelai Gilmore and Luke Danes saga had officially commenced._

* * *

"Lorelai, this thing we're doing here… me, you… I just want you to know that I'm in. I am all in." 

I looked at this wonderful man sitting across from me with amazement. Luke was "in"… he was committing himself to us… to me.

"Does that… are you… scared?"

For once in my life, I was completely speechless. How was I to top that? How exactly would I tell him that while I was totally "in" as well… that I was also scared senseless. That I was scared of messing up. Scared of losing my best friend. Scared of wrecking everything?

And, so I didn't.

I simply smiled back… and shook my head… "No," I said. "I'm not scared at all."

That night was a night of passion. He wanted me, and I wanted him in return. I chose to set aside all my fears and let myself be carried away with him. To lose myself in him. As we made love for the first time, I couldn't help but think that life was perfect at that very moment. Sex had always been easy for me. Fun. Crazy even. But, here, with Luke… it was MORE. It was… special. I was with someone whose care for me, and mine for him, knew no limits.

Later, satiated, I watched him sleep and I took the time to notice every line on his face. Every inch of his body. He was stunning. I smiled, remembering all the times I had wondered what it would be like, to be with Luke. And, now here I was.

As I settled myself next to his warm body, I realized that being with Luke was everything I thought it would be. Soft one moment. Rapturous the next moment. Extraordinary. Sublime. Perfection.

And, most of all…

It was scary.


	4. Darkness Falls

Chapter 4: Darkness Falls 

_She can feel herself falling deeper and deeper – and it is both exhilarating and terrifying to her. Being with him is a marvel, … a constant discovery of perfect moments. _

_When she sleeps in his bed, she feels safe and warm wrapped in his arms. And, when he sleeps in her bed, she feels peaceful, at total ease with another person invading her personal space. She likes him there, by her side, and longs for him when his presence is missing. In the mornings, she enjoys waking up next to him. And, she feels stronger knowing that whatever happens during her day, she can come back to him at night. Regardless of where they are, as long as they are together, she feels at home. _

_She loves wearing his blue flannel shirt, which she has now claimed as her own. She somehow feels sexier wearing his flannel than when she is wearing her own lacy lingerie. She realizes it's because it makes her feel closer to him – and when she is close to him, she always feels sexy. He has that effect on her. _

_She loves to give him massages after his long days in the diner, and she loves the rhythm of his breathing when he sleeps. She loves the way he caresses her thigh during a bed-time conversation, and how his eyes sparkle when he "pretends" to be annoyed with her antics. _

_She likes that she has learned so many new things about him. His daily routines, his likes and dislikes. Things that she had taken for granted before… **this**. Before they were together. And, she is always eager to learn more. To know more about her flannel-man._

_Being with him has stirred emotions that she has never felt before. She finds herself in the middle of the day, sitting in her office at the Dragonfly, randomly juxtaposing the words Lorelai and Danes in the same sentence. Lorelai Danes. Lorelai Gilmore Danes. Lorelai V. Danes. When she shakes herself from her daydreams she can't help but smile at the possibility… at the **Potential**._

_So she tries her very best to keep her dreams alive. She wants this more than anything. She wants **them**. _

_And, moreover, she is willing to do whatever it takes to hold on. _

_But, she doesn't realize, that sometimes the tighter you hold on to something the more likely it is to slip away…_

* * *

"You were lying this morning." 

I stood there, in the skates Luke had bought for me, in his embrace, when the words hit me like a ton of bricks. "What?" I replied, knowing full well exactly what he was talking about.

"This morning… you said you were fine, but you didn't look it. You get sick or something last night?"

I was so embarrassed. What was going to do? I decided it was best not to open the can of worms waiting to infest our lives if I told him the truth. "No. No, I just had a headache. Still do. Just one of those things."

"Yeah, I get headaches. I just feel bad." _He really is just the sweetest person_, I thought.

I shrugged. "That's all it was, a headache." I turned my attention to the beautiful ice-rink, wanting to rid myself of the current conversation. "I love this ice rink!"

"Try it out."

I was an awful person.

As I skated around the ice-rink, the rink that HE had MADE for me, I couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in my chest.

I had lied to Luke. Flat out lied. **Twice**. In the same day! And, I hated myself for it.

_But, it had been well-intentioned!_ I thought. I mean, I didn't want anything messing things up. Messing US up. Things were good. Very good. And, the last thing I needed to do was tell Luke, _Hey I spent the whole night drinking tequila with Christopher_… _the father of my child… former lover_. That certainly wouldn't sit well with him.

I was simply pre-empting and avoiding any possible argument that could arise from this. Right?

Of course, the thought had crossed my mind that Luke would understand. Afterall, Chris had just lost his father, and Luke more than anyone knows how hard that can be.

I felt ridiculous and miserable later on that day. I didn't want to keep secrets from Luke. We were adults, in an adult relationship, and I wanted us to be able to share everything with one another. I'd never had that before in a relationship – complete confidence and trust in a romantic relationship.

And, I desperately wanted that with Luke.

But, it was too late. The lie had been formulated. There was no point in re-hashing it. No point in going back.

It seemed that perhaps some things were better left alone. Besides, it was an innocent lie.

What was the worst that could happen?

* * *

_She's had her heart broken before. Too many times to count actually. From little Timmy Walker who left her in the sandbox to go play on the jungle gym with blonde pig-tailed Alexandra Cooper. And, then Mark something-or-rather in the 3rd grade, who had held her hand one day and then suddenly decided she had cooties. _

_There had been a number of guys in her early twenties who couldn't handle the fact that she was a young mother and walked away. But, she didn't really care about any of them anyhow. If they couldn't except her daughter, then good riddance. It was that defiant attitude that had left her relatively un-scarred. _

_She simply brushed herself off and kept on going. _

_She was never that girl. The one who cried and cried and couldn't function without the guy. Sure, she allowed herself time to wallow, but she was usually back to her normal self within hours. _

_She prided herself on her resiliency. For a long time she knew that she **had** be to be resilient. If not for herself, then for Rory. She couldn't let her daughter see her fall apart. She wanted to show her daughter how to be an independent woman. _

_It had hurt when Chris would zoom in and out of their lives. It had hurt when Max broke up with her the first time. However, she always chose to ache on the inside, and wear a smile on the outside. _

_It was just her way. _

_It would take a lot to keep Lorelai Gilmore down. _

_A heartache so large that **nothing** – no matter how large a smile she wore on the outside – could ever fade away. _

* * *

"But, I can't wait. We can't wait. I need to know what you're thinking right now." I was begging him. Trying as hard as I could to salvage our relationship. 

His faced turned cold. "Fine. You want to know what I'm thinking right now? That I can't be in this relationship. It's too much."

I looked on completely stunned as he walked away. "No". The single word escape as a whisper from my lips.

I was at a loss. What had just happened? How did everything go so wrong?

I realized then that I was standing in the middle of Doose's, a pained expression on my face, and tears welling in my eyes.

I had to get out. I had to run. I needed a sanctuary away from prying eyes. Away from the blue and pink ribbons. They knew. Everyone knew and had expected that it would all go awry between me and Luke. They knew because it was typical of my relationships… it was typical of ME to mess everything up.

I ran all the way home, up the stairs, and fell into my bed, the tears now falling freely… heavily… as I relived those moments over and over in my head.

_I can't be in this relationship... It's too much… _

This wasn't supposed to happen. He had told me he was _all in_. He told the whole town that there would be NO breakup.

He promised.

I could feel the pillow beneath me soak through. But, the tears wouldn't stop.

Things were going so well between us. We had found our rhythm. What made us a couple…what made us click.

This couldn't be _it_. It couldn't be over. Eight years. It had taken **eight** years, and he was ready to give up so easily without putting up a fight?

_Maybe I deserve it_, I thought. _Maybe, this is my punishment for not telling him everything that I long to tell him… not only the truth, but that I need him, and want him, and see my future with him_.

_That I... love him. _

_How could I let this happen?_ I thought, as I pounded the defenseless pillow beneath me. How could I have let my Mother come between us like this? Let Christopher re-enter my life and once again screw up my judgement?

But, most of all, how could I have been so juvenile to **_let_** others ruin the best relationship I have ever had?

I lay in bed for what seemed like days. Rory tried to help me. She tried to get me out of my depression. But, it didn't matter. Everything around me seemed to just fade away into nothingness. I didn't want to get up. Face the world. Have fingers pointed in my direction. _Lorelai Gilmore… stupid woman… ruined her own chance at happiness._

Again.

And, they would all be right. I'm the one to blame. I pushed him. He needed time and I pushed him. I should have let him think. I _know_ that about Luke. He always needs time… to process. But, I was relentless. I was stupid and needy. And, now…

Now he was gone.

And the tears won't stop. My heart won't stop aching for him. For his touch. For his warmth.

I had never been that girl.

But, this time was different. It was_ about_ something different.

It was about Luke.


End file.
